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Are You Concerned About Sexual Harassment?

Have you experienced sexual harassment? Are you wondering whether what you experience is sexual harassment? Have you been accused of sexual harassment? Are you trying to investigate a case of sexual harassment? Are you concerned about friends or colleagues who are victims of sexual harassment?

This Site is For You!

What is Sexual Harassment?

Sexual harassment is a form of illegal sex discrimination where intimidating, hostile, abusive, or offensive conduct is directed at an employee in a work place or work related setting.  The conduct can take the form of sexual conduct, but sexual harassment is not limited to such conduct.  Any abusive or offensive conduct that is directed at a woman because she is a woman (and vice versa) violates the federal and state standards.  So, for example, if a man directs violent conduct (i.e. throwing things like keys, pencils, phones) at women at least in part because they are women, such conduct is illegal.

One type of sexual harassment, Quid Pro Quo Harassment, occurs when sexual favors are requested in exchange for job opportunities.  “I will give you raise if you sleep with me.”  Another type of sexual harassment, Hostile Work Environment Harassment, occurs when the work place is altered by abusive or offensive conduct.  This occurs where another employee continually asks something like, “Hey good looking, want to look at my pornography collection in my locker.”  No one need work in such a polluted environment.

While it can be useful to learn about the legal definition of sexual harassment, it is also critical to realize that the law does not always match the experience of people. A situation that is legal and seems harmless to others can lead for some to a major life crisis, while others may be exposed to sexual harassment in the legal sense without feeling much affected.

Our goal for this website is to enhance understanding of the personal experience. From various people involved with sexual harassment we know that even when the scenarios of what happened are quite different, the experiences, and the problems and issues that need to be dealt with, can be remarkably similar.

A further goal is to contribute to informing the public about sexual harassment, and to promote the healing of those who have been hurt.

We Want to Hear From You!

We hope that this site will also be seen as an invitation. A truly accurate and informative picture of the experience of sexual harassment can only emerge if many people with different view points and experiences contribute their unique expertise. We thus very much appreciate your comments on the material presented here as well as any original contributions.

Goals

End the sexual harassment

Once a person has realized that her personal space has been violated, ending this violation becomes her first priority. Some confront the harasser; others turn to the harasser’s manager or follow the ways suggested by the sexual harassment policy. Yet others simply quit their job to escape the situation. While creating a distance between the victim and the perpetrator is certainly an important step, it usually does not automatically resolve the issue for the victim.

Stay in Job

Victims usually want to keep their current job or an equivalent position, and to continue in their chosen career path.

Come to terms with the experience

Each victim comes to term with the experience in her own unique way, but the process often involves the following observations.

  1. I need to stand up for myself.
    If I do not protect and assert my personal space, nobody will do it for me. Even if the perpetrator’s actions are illegal, it is possible that nobody will stop him unless I take steps to defend my rights.
  2. I need to find my priorities.
    Even if a victim is very assertive she will often find out that it is unrealistic that all her wishes will be granted. This does not mean that she is overly demanding. There are often conflicts between simple demands such as working in a harassment-free environment and continuing one’s career, or wanting justice and wanting to move on with one’s life.The victim needs to decide what is of primary importance to her, and act accordingly.
  3. I need to be true to myself.
    Sometimes victims set specific priorities, decide on how they will act but then cannot follow through. For example, the decision to simply bear the harassment in order to enjoy one’s career might end in failure. Victims learn to pay attention to and be honest about their feelings, teaching them what they really want and need.

Pursue Justice

When victims realize how painful their experience was (or still is), they usually want to make sure that the perpetrator will be held accountable for inappropriate behavior so that nobody else has to go through a similar experience. While this is certainly laudable, victims should realize that they are likely to encounter a lot of resistance in their search for justice, which can add to their sense of powerlessness and increase their pain even further. They should also realize that seeing the perpetrator punished may not give them the closure they desire; they still have to come to terms with the experience of powerlessness. This is not to say that victims should not pursue this issue, but they need to consider carefully if they have sufficient strength and commitment at this point, and whether this is really important to them. Since a lot of pain can be involved in this process, friends should be careful not to push a victim in this direction. One possibility to consider is to first emphasize the personal healing, and to then pursue the issue of justice with renewed strength.

Get on with life

Every victim wishes at some point during the ordeal that she could just forget about the whole thing and move on with her life. This issue cannot be pressed, however, and is not facilitated by encouragement of impatient friends. The experience has been too unsettling and painful and needs to be processed before the victim will be ready to move on. Sometimes victims are held back by the sense that they have a moral obligation to make sure that the case is properly handled, and that no other woman has to suffer as they did. While pursuing justice can feel very rewarding and give the victim a sense of making a positive contribution, the conscious choice to let go of the inflicted injustice and being able to move on with one’s life can be a very empowering experience as well.

Purpose

People involved in sexual harassment often find themselves confronted with behavior they cannot comprehend.  Victims are wondering why the harasser is behaving in a way that is so offensive to them and why they cannot get him to stop; alleged harassers are wondering why someone they trusted would turn against them and unfairly accuse them; colleagues are trying to understand why the victim did not defend herself better; partners are asking themselves why the investigation of the incidence apparently takes forever; and friends are wondering why the victim makes such a big deal of the episode instead of simply moving on with life.

Understanding Sexual Harassment

One goal for this website is to contribute to a better understanding of what goes on during a typical incidence of sexual harassment, and what motivates the behavior of the main “players”.  We are striving towards a balanced view that is fair to all the parties involved. We would hope that you, the reader, will feel encouraged to share some of your unique experiences with sexual harassment with us, because a truly accurate picture of what sexual harassment is like can emerge only if many different people with different views and expertise contribute to this site.

Building a Community For Healing

Sexual harassment can be a very painful experience, and often those involved feel isolated from their friends, colleagues, or community in general.  Our goal for this website is to provide a forum for all those concerned about sexual harassment. We want this website to be a place where they can voice their concerns, share their experiences, and find a community where they feel understood.

Educating the Public About Sexual Harassment

Finally, we hope this website can contribute to raising awareness. While many potential harassers are informed what behavior is acceptable and what is not, most do not understand how devastating the experience can be for the victim.  In other words, they realize harassment is illegal but they nevertheless consider it rather harmless.

This attitude, which also seems to resonate with the general public, cannot be changed by any policy or law.  It can only change if victims overcome their shame and speak out.  Victims honestly sharing their experiences may be the most effective way of preventing sexual harassment, or at least reducing its prevalence.

Some Benefits of Exercise

“And when you are finished with one task, still labor hard.”  Holy Quran

“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.”  Jerry Rice

This is a post about Exercise. I have written before about the benefits of working out 7 days per week. I really try to get in my daily work out even with a hectic schedule. By all means I work out 6 days per week with isometric exercise, but shoot for seven. Most people use the same excuse of not having enough time to exercise. I say right on, there isn’t enough time that’s why you must make the time! You think you are busy, let me give you my schedule. First of all I am a husband and father of two. I work full time as a Senior Accountant. I also have an accounting business. I am also a graduate student working on my MBA. I am also an Associate Imam at my mosque where I give regular khutbahs and classes. I can go on, but I think you get the point. What gives me the energy to do all of this?

Alhamdulillah, I thank him for the energy and vigor. I feel great about life. I am happy, healthy, and grateful for everything Allah (SWT) has blessed me with. When you start exercising at least 6 days per week, you will find that you have more energy to accomplish more in other areas of your life. I remember when I wasn’t exercising but only a couple of days per week and eating a poor diet. My life was FULL of drama. My relationship with my family was mediocre; I was tired all the time and struggling with school and work. Each day I woke up and went to work, I was ready for the day to be over with.

Every Friday I would be saying along with the others; Thank God It’s Friday (TGIF). Now I say; Thank God I’m Focused! When I began to work out more and eat better, everything in my life began to come together easily. The more consistent I was with my workouts; more opportunities came my way, my relationships got better, and my confidence increased. I became more assertive and the drama faded away. It took me a while to put 2 and 2 together.

Try exercising daily, eating WHOLE foods, cut out the caffeine and watch and see. You too will become more assertive, walk with Halal Swagger, gain more confidence and most importantly become more productive. You will find that you don’t need to sleep 8 or more hours every day. You will no longer wake up feeling sluggish and running for the coffee pot or tea bag. If you don’t have time to make it to a gym or cant afford it; there are some great dvds for purchase. Also there are callisthenic exercises one can do in the comfort of their home. You can also go for a run three to four times per week.

The main thing is that you must sweat and get your heart rate up daily. Life can be incredible! You too can go through life with energy and vigor every day. You don’t have to have “on and off” days. Start exercising daily and everyday will be a great day. Even the days you have challenges (notice how I didn’t say problems), your exercise and proper diet will give you the strength of mind and confidence to tackle them and find solutions. Allah wants the believers to have the energy and enthusiasm to enjoy life, every day of their life. “And seek with what Allah has given you the hereafter; but don’t neglect your share of this world.” Holy Qur’an.

MAKING YOUR OWN CONCRETE GALOSHES

In order for all of us at CrazyCL to provide some sort of an entertainment factor that will not be frowned upon in the Internet community, this will be what can be considered the first article.  Concrete Galoshes day is the 3rd 5th day holiday conceived by my cousin Steve and I.  It was originally meant to represent the end of Summer, by encasing our feet in concrete to simulate the wearing of shoes again and the end of the shoe-less summer.  Instead, it has proven to be something much greater than that, a ritual if you must, to signify our stead-fast attitudes toward hurricanes.  You see, in Palm Beach County, there has not been a hurricane that has hit when we perform this feat.  My cousin and I get many (oh, they’re just crazy’s) when we do this.  But the fact remains that we provide a much needed protection for our homes and our cousin’s homes when we encase our feet in cement on September 5th.  

A collection of galoshes from years past.  So far this millennium, we have only missed CG’s day only twice, 2004 and 2005 and see what happened!

This 2011 Concrete Galoshes day, we shall attempt to have the ordeal LIVE on the Internet, so all can see the legend in action.

MAKING YOUR OWN CONCRETE GALOSHES

First you will have to start with some type of basic forms, cardboard boxes are traditional, but plastic boxes are acceptable.  You will need plastic bags for your feet and for your boxes(if you are using cardboard), masking or duct tape and (2) 50 or 60 pound bags of quick set concrete.  Also, you will need to gather food and drink and portable shelter and anything you may think you will need if you are unable to move for at least 6 hours.  I have made a portable biker buddy for when I have to pee, but cousin Steve just stands up and gets some rather impressive distance.  We usually have a hose, some tunes and a good supply of beer.  On September 5th, it is best to be finished pouring your concrete galoshes before dark.  Rubber gloves and shoes on your feet have proven to be a wise move as the cement has lime in it and it gets warm or even HOT as it cures.  If you plan to walk any distance wearing your cement overshoes, 2 pairs of socks would be a good idea.  My personal preference is to throw tomahawks while wearing concrete overshoes on concrete galoshes day.  Also since I make my concrete galoshes only 40 pounds each, the addition of some re-bar helps in strength.  

Now the hardest part of this endeavor, is mixing and pouring your concrete into the forms.  Help is allowed in pouring, but mixing should be done by each individual them self.  Pre made plastic forms are much easier than cardboard, but should be coated lightly with some sort of vegetable oil for easy release and reuse next year.  I will usually pour one inch of crete into each mold to start and add re-bar for the final pour.  It is not recommended using hydraulic cement solely for shoes as it expands and may crush your feet as it cooks them, but a little as an additive is ok.  As long as you are prepared before you start, the experience is not dreadful.  I like to leave my concrete galoshes on until 12 or later and remove them with a hammer and chisel.  

Do not forget to engrave the year on your galoshes while they are still wet.  They will make a fine addition to the garden when you are finished.

Enjoy your Concrete Galoshes Day on September 5th.

Oh Yeh!   Try to stay away from deep water.

My truck is possessed

My truck is possessed!  For the last 10 months my truck has full control of when I leave work each day.  I had to have my engine replaced about the middle of August of 2010 and my starter seems to have a mind of it’s own.  So far as I can figure, my starter will do absolutely nothing or it will start the engine.  I have a 13 mile stretch down a highway  and then make a right turn and go another 9 miles to get home.  My truck will take between 5 and 50 seconds to start, there is no struggling to turn over, the battery has been replaced, relays have been swapped and connections have been checked and checked again.  Now I turn the key and hold it and the truck starts when it is good and ready.  I do not know if it delays me to keep me from being in an accident or if it  has other intentions.  Either way there seem to be some weird forces at work here.  Sometimes it will go for days and start every time and sometimes it will do it every day for weeks.  My wife has named our truck Manya.

She says that Manya is a good girl, but I think she is trying to teach me a lesson for neglecting her to the point of having to replace the engine.  Once she starts, she will go all day on and off with no interruptions.  There are a few things that I have noticed over the months and they are that she will start every time if she has been off for less than 3 hours.  She will behave better if I have paid attention to her like washing or checking fluids.  And she acts up the most when she has been sitting in hot weather for over 7 hours.  My mechanic wants me to bring her in, but I am getting use to having another woman control my life.  Does that make me a bigamist?  At this point it has been amusing and sometimes comical.  I will keep everyone informed about any further bazaar happenings like talking and the such.